TOP TEN WORST GI JOE CODENAMES (1982-1994)
The Toy Collectors Guide continues our new monthly feature that highlights various toy lines with a emphasis on a top ten, because honestly, who doesn’t love a good top ten list!
This month, we put the spotlight on the 1980’s GI Joe line with the TOP TEN WORST GI JOE CODENAMES (1982-1994). Hasbro created some pretty memorable and iconic codenames for their rebooted Joe’s (Snake Eyes, Storm Shadow, Duke, Scarlett, Roadblock), but they also created some……not so awesome codenames. This list puts the spotlight on those less than specular names that left fans and collectors kind of scratching their heads. It’s worth noting that part of the GI Joe charm was their diverse and quirky code names, but these guys are just unforgivable.
Top Ten lists are usually subjective by the author, and that is absolutely the case here as well. These lists are meant to inspire conversation and debate, so please feel free to leave a comment with who would make your list. Without further ado, here is October’s Top Ten list. We hope you enjoy and have some fun with it.
Top Ten Worst GI Joe Codenames (1982-1994)
Number 10
Skidmark
Skidmark
Released in 1988 exclusively with the Desert Fox Jeep
This poor guy was named after underwear stains and there’s just no coming back from that. I know that “Skidmark” may initially sound like a cool name for a Jeep driver, but I just wonder if the Hasbro creative team even thought about the ramifications of a Joe named Skidmark.
Number 9
Dee-Jay
Dee-Jay
Released in 1989 as part of the “Battle Force 2000” line
Dee-Jay debuted in 1989 as part of the “Battle Force 2000” line. At first glance, the word that comes to mind is……What? His outfit was a complete mess of different colors with no real theme. He’s a radio/telephone operator from Rhode Island, who was the “hottest DJ in Boston” before enlisting with the Joe’s. If that doesn’t get you excited for this guy, I don’t know what will.
Number 8
Effects
Effects
Released in 1994 as part of the Star Brigade Sub-Set
This was just pure laziness on the part of Hasbro. I mean, they named this guy “Effects”. I get that he specializes in ordinance with a talent for using “masterful special effects” to confuse the enemy (I’m sure that isn’t even that hard with Cobra), but how about just FX? Or Holo Blitz? Effects just sounds lazy, not to mention lame.
Number 7
Sea Slug
Sea Slug
Released in 1987 exclusively with the Cobra Sea Ray
Ok, so follow me here…..Cobra EEL’s or Frogmen are the elite Navy fighters for Cobra, kind of like our Navy Seal Teams. The best of these guys are selected to go on to an elite submersible unit that includes piloting the super cool looking Cobra Sea Ray. The name of this elite Cobra fighting team consisting of the best the Cobra Navy has to offer is……. SEA SLUG……… Nuff’ Said.
Number 6
Crystal Ball
Crystal Ball
Released in 1987
Crystal Ball hit the store shelves in 1987 and I distinctly remember still seeing this guy still in stores in the early 90’s. He was a Cobra Hypnotist with a Romanian father and American mother from Maine. Why Maine you ask? Because he was actually created by Stephen King, who apparently was a big GI Joe fan back in the day. This guy just looks ridiculous.
Number 5
Robo-JOE
Robo-JOE
Released in 1993 as part of the Star Brigade Sub-Set
Robo-J.O.E. was released in 1993 with the Star Brigade series. According to his file card, his personal quote is “I am stronger. I am faster. I am Robo-J.O.E.”…..Chills, right? The Joe team went all six Million Dollar Man on this guy when he was killed by Destro in his secret space lab. I understand what Hasbro was doing here, but the name is awful. I could think of a dozen better Cyborg names than Robo-JOE.
Number 4
Snow Job
Snow Job
Released in 1983
Snow Job was released in 1983, when the codenames were still pretty cool sounding, so I just don’t really know what happened with this guy. I can completely imagine a bunch of Hasbro creative team guys sitting at a table just snickering about this one. I mean, come on Hasbro…..Seriously. This is way too close to the popular and widely used nickname of a certain sexual act. Whenever I see snow Job, I always think back to that Robot Chicken skit with Fumbles the Joe sniper.
Number 3
Scoop
Scoop
Released in 1989
Scoop…..this guy is named Scoop. Do you want to know what he does for the Joe team? He’s a Journalist who comes with a microphone, satellite relay station backpack, and a hi-tech camera. It’s common knowledge that none of those things I listed above make for good weapons on a battlefield. Again, I get what Hasbro was doing here, but Scoop?
Number 2
Capt. Grid-Iron
Capt. Grid-Iron
Released in 1990
This one kind of hurts me, because I’m a huge Football fan, but if you’re going to to make a Football themed GI Joe character, does his name have to be Captain Grid-Iron? I mean, we already had the Fridge action figure, so why another one? Besides, this guy is mentally damaged if he’s still holding on to his glory years as quarterback of the West Point football team. Now he tosses football grenades, but what does he do when he runs out of them? It just doesn’t sound very practical.
Number 1
Ice Cream Soldier
Ice Cream Soldier
Released in 1994
And now for the big NUMBER ONE worst GI Joe Codename from their 1982-1994 run….ICE CREAM SOLDIER!!! It’s very appropriate this figure was released during the final wave of GI Joe figures from this era, because it definitely signaled the end of the line. I mean, come on…Ice Cream Soldier! How ridiculous! He’s wearing bright ketchup and mustard colors, and he’s named Ice Cream Soldier. It just doesn’t make any sense. His file card quote is “Eating ice cream without hot fudge is like fighting without ammunition!”. Wow……just wow!
HONORABLE MENTION
There are literally dozens more I could have put on this list, here are a few that just missed the cut:
Ferret (1988): Packaged with the Iron Grenadiers DEMON. I don’t know about you guys, but a Ferret just doesn’t scare me. In fact, Ferret’s are nice cuddlers, so this guy would be popular on cold nights.
Mercer (1987): Released with Sgt. Slaughter’s Renegades three-pack with Red Dog & Taurus. He’s a Mercenary……and his name is Mercer. I don’t even think Hasbro was trying the day this guy was named.
Night Creeper (1990): Initially released in 1990. He just sounds……..creepy, not to mention very illegal. I can just picture this guy hovering around windows at night, just trying to get a quick peek.
Bazooka (1985): Initially released in 1985. It’s a bit on the nose for a character that uses a Bazooka to actually be called….Bazooka. I’m just saying.
Headman: Drug Kingpin (1992): He was leader of the Headhunters in the DEF series. if you don’t remember the DEF series, don’t worry, nobody does. Who doesn’t want a drug lord action figure!
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